Weight to Go, Andy is an episode of What's With Andy.
It begins with Andrew "Andy" Larkin standing in his underwear in front of a weight loss ad. He narrates that he wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for the fact that he missed three important things: fate, intuition and observation. It started when Henry Dorsed, a colleague of Alfred "Al" Larkin's ,and Henry's wife Rose were invited to dinner with Al. Jennifer "Jen" Larkin had hardly eaten any of her dinner as she was going out with Teri. Freida Larkin had said that Jen had not finished her dinner. Jen had said she could not eat all her dinner as the school gymnastics meet was next week, and she didn't want to be fat. Freida had said that gymnastics took strength, so Jen needed food. Jen had replied that all her female classmates were skinny and she couldn't show up looking like a fat pig. Al had said that Jen was already skinny. Andy had joked she was a thin pig. Jen didn't like that joke and told him to shut his pie hole, calling him a dweeb. This had amused Henry. Jen had said she had gained a pound and didn't want to gain any more weight. Freida had said that Jen was being superficial. Al had that it was what's on the inside that counts. Freida had said that when they married it was for better or worse no matter how fat, old or wrinkled they became. Al had asked if they have it in writing. This amused himself and Henry, but not Freida, Rose, Jen or Andy. Freida and Al had said they didn't weigh themselves. Jen, angry that she seemed shallow, had left the table. Andy had joked that she was shallow, which amused Henry, and Andy had decided if Jen can leave the table, he can, and leaves to meet Daniel "Danny" Tadeus Pickett at The Beans and Burger. In the present, Andy says fate was not on his side as he didn't hear the whole conversation. At dessert, Henry had told Al that he had to compete for a promotion to floor manager against a health freak named Temberly, who didn't like overweight people. Freida hadn't thought that was fair as promotions should be based on experience. At the Beans and Burger, Andy and Danny had been practicing eating a great deal of burgers for the Fast Eating Competition, where the prize was a free chef plate a day for a month. Danny had said that Andy could have bought a chef plate a day for a month with the money it had cost to buy the burgers, but Andy had said that he enjoyed competition. Lik and Leech had then come and said they were going to win and Andy couldn't eat his way out of a cinnamon-flavored bag. Andy had teased them by saying that he could eat faster than them even if they had not eaten for ten days and were served their favorite food: Stupid Pie. Lik had then said, offended, that if they won, Andy would have to do anything they said. Meanwhile, at dessert at the Larkin residence, Frieda had been excited to go to a party, but Rose had said that Beth Cumley was going to be there, which had shocked Freida as when they were in school, Beth had been more popular. At the Beans and Burger, Jen and Teri had arrived and Jen had called Andy an "out-of-control eating freak." Andy had quipped back that Jen was just an out-of-control freak. Jen, Teri, Lik and Leech had then joked about how fat they had perceived Andy as. Lik and Leech had made a joke about how Andy had a lot of "puppy fat" and they needed to go before "Larkin started barkin'", which Danny had actually thought was funny. The next morning, Freida had put on lipstick, weighed herself, went back to putting on lipstick, gotten kissed by Al and left the bathroom. Al had shaved, and also weighed himself. Then Andy had entered the bathroom and was about to pee, but Al had told him to wait. Andy had waited, but he'd stayed around until Jen had entered the bathroom and claimed she was going to weigh herself naked. At breakfast, Jen had wanted to skip breakfast, but Freida had told her breakfast was important. Jen had skipped breakfast anyway and said the phrase "a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips." Freida had started to worry about Jen, and Andy had then had an idea for a prank and made a bunch of copies of the scale measure from Danny's family and planned to set them on the scales. The copies had been designed to measure five pounds over, ten ponds over, fifteen pounds over, and twenty pounds over. Andy had thought this prank was only for Jen as as far as he'd known, the parents didn't weigh themselves. The next morning had been the same: Freida had weighed herself and put on lipstick, Al had kissed her, weighed himself, and told Andy, who had tried to use the toilet again, to wait, and Jen had weighed herself naked, however the parents and Jen had been shocked, as they'd appeared to have gained five pounds. At school, Teri had advised asking the parents about the weight thing, but Jen had been too worried about appearing superficial. Andy had then arrived and enjoyed some fried chicken. Danny had enjoyed some pizza. Andy had then put the next copy on the scales. At breakfast the next day, Andy had noticed Al seemed worried and asked if he was OK. Al had said yes, but in the present, Andy says that he would have sensed something was amiss if he'd been more intuitive. At breakfast, Jen had screamed as she'd appeared to have gained another five pounds. She'd then lied to Freida that she'd trodden on a spider. Freida, Jen, and Al had then gone to Rose, Teri and Henry respectively for advice on the weight thing. Rose had advised Freida to stop cooking, eat other food and exercise. Teri had advised Jen to stop eating Freida's cooking and exercise. Henry had given the same advice to Al as Teri had to Jen. All three people had said they couldn't follow the eating part of the advice as the parents hadn't known each other was weighing themselves and Jen had been scared of being seen as superficial. The three advisers then gave the same advice to the receivers: Do what you have to but cut out the fat. At dinner, Freida had served a pizza, but everyone but Andy had only taken a bite. Al had thrown his out the window, and the women had fed it to Sooty. Freida had then jogged up and down the stairs, but tripped over Sooty. The next day Al had gone to a gym, where a huge muscular guy had thrown him off the equipment. At dinner, Andy had been the only one to have eaten his chicken, the others fed theirs to Sooty except for Freida who had just put hers into her top. The next day was pretty much the same, except the parents and Jen had appeared woozy, and Al had been much moodier, saying "If you want to see your next birthday, Andy, get out now", instead of "Andy, wait til I'm finished." In the present, Andy notes that he should have observed his dad being uncharacteristically grumpy. That evening, Jen had said that the gym meet was fine until the human pyramid, where she was at the bottom and had crashed the pyramid. Freida had said that the party was embarrassing as they had thought Beth, despite being plump, was popular, but Freida had to explain she wasn't sick. Al had been embarrassed, too, as he hadn't gotten the promotion, Temberly had thought he was weak and when he'd stood up to prove he wasn't, his pants had fallen down. They had then all admitted that they had been dieting and weighing themselves but appeared to have gained twenty pounds. They had then suspected Andy, and gone to the Beans and Burger to tell Andy off, leading to him losing, and Lik or Leech winning. In the present, Andy notes he's the fattest Larkin, but he sees a very fat Sooty and says "Well, almost."
- "Do what you gotta do but cut out the fat"-Teri, Rose, and Henry
- "Well, who am I kidding? I'm probably the fattest member of the Larkin clan...well, almost."-Andy
- "Andy, wait til I'm finished-Al
- "If you want to see your next birthday, Andy, get out now"-Al
- "I expected Jen to be in a foul mood, but Mom and Dad?! How could I have been so blind?"-Andy
- "[Beth] put on a few pounds, but everyone agreed she looked fabulous. I, on the other hand, spent the entire reunion trying to explain that I was not suffering from a life-threatening illness!"-Freida
- "We don't think you're shallow, we know you're shallow!"-Andy
- "I'm going out with Teri tonight." "But, Jen, you haven't finished your dinner." "Mom, I can't eat all this. The school gymnastics meet is next week." "Gymnastics takes strength, Jen, and strength requires eating." "I know, but all the other girls are lean and mean. I can't show up looking like a fat pig." "Jen, you've hardly got any meat on your bones as it is." "Dad's right. You're a thin pig."-Jen, Freida, Jen again, Al, and Andy
- "It doesn't occur to you that with the money you've spent on training burgers [for the Fastest Eater competition], you could have bought a special chef plate (the prize) every day for two months?"-Danny
- "All I can say is, don't come crawling to me for handouts when I'm tucking into my first-prize booty!"-Andy
- "Don't make me laugh, Larkin!" "Hahaha, yeah, haha, don't make me--l-laugh."-Lik and Leech
- "You couldn't eat your way out of a cinnamon-flavored bag, Larkin!"-Lik
- "I'm too busy to be goaded by a moron like Lik!"-Andy
- Lik: "A mouse with no mouth could eat faster than you." Andy: "I'm too strong-willed to let him get to me." Lik: "And that little girlfriend of yours, Lori. She could eat faster than you cause she's a real oinker. Oink, oink, oink." Andy: "Okay, I'm small and weak. Oh, yeah!?" Lik: "Yeah!" Andy: "Oh yeah?" Lik and Leech in unison: "YEAH!" [a bit of insincerity by Danny] Andy: "I could eat faster than you, even if you hadn't eaten for ten days and you were given your favorite dish: Stupid Pie!" (Lik growls) Andy: "Uh-oh. I think I just crossed the line."-Andy and the bullies.
- "It'll be fun to see the old faces again!" "'Old'" being the key word here."-Freida and Al
- "You are an out-of-control eating freak." "And you're just an out-of-control freak!""And you're childish." "Maybe, but at least I have a personality"-Jen and Andy
- "I've never seen so much puppy fat. C'mon, Leech, let's get outta here before Larkin starts barkin'"-Lik
- "I'm on a roll!" "Looks like the roll is on you, roll of fat, that is."-Andy and Jen
- "Get out!" "If you didn't notice, I was here first." "Listen, Burger Brain. I need to weigh myself, and to get a true reading I have to do it before I eat and I have to do it naked"-Jen and Andy
- "First of all, your mom's meals contain more fat than a bacon factory. Lay off for a few days."-Teri
- "I can't not eat Mom's food! My parents will think I'm shallower than they already do!" "I can't suddenly stop cooking, Al doesn't even know I've weighed myself" "I can't suddenly stop eating Freida's cooking! Freida doesn't even know I've weighed myself!"-Jen, Freida, and Al on why they can't "cut out the fat".